Eternal Verities

Why are new towels waterproofed and with what and how do I get rid of it?

Why do TV newsreaders stress inappropriate syllables? How do they manage to synchronise each accented syllable with raised eyebrows? How do they raise their eyebrows without widening their eyes?

Has anyone actually SEEN a drunk skunk? Or a pi**ed newt?

Why do you rarely see a white-shelled egg?

What is a door-nail and why are they all dead?

How can someone be brown as a berry when there are no berries that are truly brown?

What useful function did a toothache serve before there were dentists?

Why is there no simple little handbook for journalists to tell them that
criteria is plural, group is singular, decimate does not mean exterminate,
prodigal has nothing to do with running away (or coming home again),
disinterested and uninterested do not mean the same thing, and that the
rules governing the use of the apostrophe are simple?

Why is something so palpably artificial called "reality TV"?

When WAS the year dot?

If I called on a clairvoyant without an appointment, would she be surprised to see me?

Why are science-fiction stories full of people whose names have a "q" without its "u" and/or "a'a" somewhere? Were they originally written in Arabic?

Is there any evolutionary advantage in the instinct to pick at a scab?

Why do we pronounce "lingerie" as "londjeray

Why does the abbreviation of the three-syllable "world wide web" become the
nine-syllable "doulbeyou doubleyou doubleyou"?

Why, whenever a cricket commentator on TV starts an observation with "It's interesting...." it never is?

Why does applesauce go with roast pork and not with roast beef?

After the first glass, is there any perceptible difference between one rum and
another?

What brave man first discovered that prawns could be eaten and
cockroaches could not?

Was it the same individual who decided which of the unlovely substances that occur during the making of cheese should be kept and which thrown away?

How many poisonous or revolting beans were roasted, ground and infused before a happy accident gave us coffee?

The place where parliamentarians meet is called a house, and so is a brothel. Surely there can be no connection. Can there?

When we are young, and food is nothing more than fuel, we can eat all we
like, and when we are older and food has infinite delights and subtleties it
turns immediately to nothing more interesting than fat. Is this punishment
for some sin? If so, it must have been a beauty, so why can't I remember it?

Do teenagers install those "Whoof Whoof" speakers in their cars because
they are already deaf, or do they not become deaf until shortly afterwards?

Can you imagine a world without onions?

Why do we say "she'll be right" and not "it'll be right"?

Did anyone, anywhere, ever believe that "this is a never-to-be-repeated offer"?

Why is a preview of next week's movie called a trailer?

Is it really darkest just before the dawn? If so, why?

Isn't it a misnomer to call English a "lingua franca"?

I ask these questions sincerely and humbly in my continuing quest for
knowledge and enlightenment.


By the way, who was Larry, and why was he happy? Was he, perhaps, pi**ed as a newt?