Young Jack was an enthusiast

Discussion in 'The Bucket' started by JohnO, May 29, 2007.

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  1. JohnO

    JohnO Moderator

    Mar 7, 2003
    Melbourne, VIC,Victoria
    Young Jack was an enthusiast.

    In particular, Jack was very enthusiastic about his choice of motor vehicle.

    Some of his mates loved sports cars, some loved their utes, and some of his less popular, feral, outcast mates owned 4WD's, but he tried not to associate with them too often.

    But the object of Jack's affection was a Datsun 120Y Coupe - original dark-lime green with humungous louvres on the rear window, faux-stainless-steel hubcaps, Bakelite steering wheel.........this car was from an era when people took pride in their chosen carriage.

    Every weekend Jack could be found in his garage, tinkering with his Japanese thoroughbred; Silvo'ing the hubcaps, Armour-All'ing the mud flaps (very sought after and rare factory optional extras), deodorising the roof lining, re-flashing his Polariser, etc etc..
    If at any stage through the week his steed developed an issue, Jack would
    labour through the weekend, until the problem was solved, allowing a trouble-free journey on Monday mornings.

    On the agenda for this weekend was; Re-applying the black tyre-paint, tuning in his push-button wireless (by Thursday he was unable to receive 2KY or 2CH via the easy-2-use, convenient push-button method of tuning), fitting high-power tungsten globes to his reversing light, and time permitting, try and diagnose why his indicators had stopped self-canceling.

    On Saturday Jack was able to complete the tyre-blackening & wireless tuning in time to watch the bowls on ABC at 5.00pm. Sunday saw the reverse lights finished before his cucumber sandwich cravings had surfaced, leaving the entire afternoon free to sort out the indicators.

    Jack was a trifle apprehensive about tackling the last issue, as engineering was not his forte, especially with a vehicle as avant garde as the Datsun. But he put on a brave face, reached for his multi-tool-shifta-driver and started removing the plastic cover from the steering column.

    By 3.30pm, after partially dismantling the indicator stalk mechanism, Jack felt he had a handle on the problem. You see, hidden under the base of the stalk was a wee little cog that spun when the wheel was turned, allowing a series of damped levers to move the spring-loaded trigger onto the left plane causing the stalk to self correct. The problem was that the little cog had started loosing its teeth, and in effect had become unserviceable. Realising he would require a new cog, and that Datospares was closed on Sunday afternoons, Jack decided to re-assemble the apparatus without the cog and visit Datospares on Monday.

    He was, at first, aware that incorrect assembly (I.E, leaving out the cog) may have a knock-on affect with other related, highly stressed componentry, but the choice wasn't really his.

    On Monday afternoon, as soon as his shift at Australia Post had finished he was behind the wheel of his almost perfect non-self canceling Datsun racing to Datospares before their doors shut. At 4.57 he was standing at the counter showing Harold his tiny, worn out cog. As soon as Harold saw the offending cog, he leaned back, sucked air through his teeth, and tried to think of a way to tell Jack the same heartbreaking news he'd had to tell many a 120Y owner over theyears......

    "......take a seat, Jack" said Harold.

    Jack was used to being dominated by unwashed men in blue overalls, so did so without question or protest. "Now Jack," soothed Harold, "I have good news, and I have bad news. I can indeed order you all that is required to solve your self-canceling issues. The problem is, it cannot be purchased separately.

    Datsun requires that you purchase the connecting steering wheel, column, rack, tie-rods, lower control arms (including bushes), wheels,and wheel nuts (but not the hub-caps)."

    "That's OK," replied Jack. "I'll be content with a pre-loved component on this occasion, thanks Harold."

    Harold then had to explain to Jack that he had a waiting list of other Datsun aficionados, also rather disgruntled at the sorry situation Datsun Inc. had put them in. And, considering how many Datsun 120Y's were still in serviceable shape, plying the roads of Australia, the situation was a ticking time bomb!

    Now Jack, having managed to find a perfect parking space (close to Datospares and in the shade of a Hillgrove gum tree), had until this moment been in an upbeat mood. That time had now passed.........

    For the next week, Jack was inconsolable. He'd tried other fine pre-loved Datsun component retailers, but met with the same reaction each time to his request. Not only was it becoming obvious that these cogs were near impossible to source, but should the unlikely happen and someone had one to sell, he was at the back of the queue.

    Jack decided to try his luck further afield.......gosh.....he had the internet now! He started searching interstate, without any luck. He found many references to the offending cog on some American websites, but the problem was worse there (LHD versions required 2 cogs!).

    He was about to give up for the day when a listing on an Indonesian website caught his eye. Upon further investigation he found that a small plastics factory was aware of the issue and had a warehouse full of little toothed plastic wheels. A phone call confirmed that they were the correct type and that that owner, Mr Sumeyarseoff BangBang Ladyboy Bestprice Oh No (his mates called him Sue) had been sitting on them for some time.

    Jack decided that at 2.3AU Cents per item, he could just afford to buy his entire inventory, allowing him to service the needs of all 120Y owners the world over. Just the thought made quiver!

    Jack then shopped around for the best deal on couriering the boxes back to Australia and found a small company operating a small Cesna out of Lombok called Yuwing We Bwing (YWWB) Ltd..

    Jack paid over the internet after confirming pick-up and drop-off addresses, and relaxed, comfortable in the knowledge that he would soon be seen as a God ( Datsun owners anyway!).

    The following week the YWWB Cesna was cruising at altitude, flying over the mountains of Papua New Guinea, when its only engine developed a misfire.

    The problem became worse as time progressed and the brave little Cessna could not help but lose altitude. Eventually the pilot made the decision to gradually eject cargo until altitude could be maintained.

    Meanwhile, on a rice paddy in PNG, stood a little farm house belonging to Mr Korkbang and his barren wife, Nunskirtt. As she was unable to have children, Nunskirtt would often take her aggression out on her beleaguered husband, who had a propensity for sitting on the couch smoking gunja.

    "Get off your lazy yellow ass and get out there and work the fields, you little dicked good-for-nothing excuse for a husband!" she hollered.

    Mr Korkbang slowly rose from the divot on the couch and headed outside.
    Satisfied her husband was out earning his keep, she returned to the kitchen to prepare the evening meal.

    Half an hour later, when setting the table, she saw Mr Korkbang again lazing on the couch, she exploded, "you lazy good for nuffing !!!

    Get orf your lazy behind and go wok da feeeelds!"

    "Awww gel," he moaned, "I can't work in these conditions!"

    "Why not, you useless chicken loving pencil-necked-sheet?" she foamed.

    "Please, don't make me go out there. It's raining Datsun cogs today!"