This hobby has the best and the worst...

I really wasn't going to say anything, but I have the urge to share this story as closure/catharsis for my horrible week. Sometimes I think this hobby has the best and worst people in the world. I'm not going to name names, please don't ask.

I am a firm believer in Karma, I'm a teacher, grad student, and mom and always help out with frags for new reefers locally. I thought some of that good karma was coming around to me when I was offered a frackin amazing trade earlier this week for something I REALLY wanted! I cut the frags for this guy on his request, including some colonies I have NEVER cut before for ANYONE. Trade was entirely his idea.

First they weren't big enough for him, but that's okay, he'd do it anyway. I was upfront that this was my first time shipping coral. He gave me instructions that I followed to the letter which contradicted many websites. Then I paid for shipping to him out of pocket. Something went wrong in transit and he takes it personally, claiming that the whole batch died, but the worst part was that he starts sending emails attacking me personally. Yes, I made a mistake shipping, I admitted it and apologized (Actually, fedex did when I saw the pics, and I took it up with them, too, but I take responsibility, so I didn't pass the buck when it came to them. I got on the phone yelling with fedex, but to him I just said 'you're right, I'm sorry'. The girl at the counter didn't label the shipment properly when she processed it, despite arrows and 'this end up', it shipped the whole way on it's side...)

The frags died. Stuff happens. That's not my problem. My problem was that then he started abusing me personally, cursing, and acting like because I didn't know how to ship I didn't know how to take care of my tank.

Worst part is, shipment was in 2 boxes. 1 box he never complained about problems at all until over 24 hours after arrival, then some of the things he said were dead wrong, and he wouldn't answer my questions ever about if the frags there died. Still hasn't.

Worst part of all? It was the anniversary of my mothers death, and many of his emails just brought me to tears on a day that's already just completely hard on me. He had no way of knowing that, but still... The whole time I was saying 'I'm sorry', and the worst part is he was really out nothing.

In the end he agreed to pay me for one colony he said survived with much cursing and abuse. I still don't know the fate of many.

Guys, the moral of the story is just....be a little nicer to people? You know? People make mistakes, and in this instance the abuse was really unnecessary and added alot more stress and weight to me than was ever necessary on a day that was already really hard. You never know what's going on with the other person, and you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Sometimes it's necessary to draw a line in the sand and refuse to budge, I get that. When someone is admitting 'hey, a mistake was made, lets work this out', that's not the time for yelling and screaming. Cursing at someone and becoming abusive is really never necessary. In this case, I can't imagine why he took it so personally. The world would be alot better place if people were just a little nicer to one another, and started caring about feelings a bit more. It wasn't a personal attack. It was a mistake, on some parts my fault, and on some parts Fedex's.

I think this hobby would benefit too. I have lost track of the number of stories I've heard about people being ripped off by LFS's or other reefers...

I see this hobby as an attempt to create a part of the ocean in your living room. Something that is absolutely unique, no two tanks are alike, and beautiful. It's living art... how can people who are setting out to create such beauty be so ugly to one another?

 

Sorry to hear – some people were born to be ******s and it sounds like you came across one. Karma can be a real *****h and I suspect it will come back around to that moron – in the mean while I can toss you some well deserved karma via our board 

+K for sharing and doing your part to save a reef and frag !!

 

To be honest, I'd have stopped communicating with him after he dropped the first f-bomb and just given him his money back. Then, I would have filed a claim with FedEx and tried to get some of my money back. You don't have to put up with that kind of crap. I don't have the patience to deal with jerks like that! You must be a very nice person to have tolerated somebody like him for as long as you did.

 

This is one of those experiences that makes it seem like people just suck... the thing is, it's not just this hobby, there are folks like this in the world in all walks of life. It's too bad when you run into them.

I know what it is like to go through the death of a close family member and things can never be timed correctly with that... I have learned that family being the most important, I try to let the other things just roll off my back and not let someone's ill behaviour affect me personally.

My best advice is to do what you can to sever ties with the person that is causing you grief. If it means sending whatever was involved in the trade back to them, then maybe this will do more for your pride and sense of well-being than defending yourself against their attacks. Then you can just ignore them because they will no longer be a part of your life. Sometimes taking a loss financially is better than taking one emotionally or to your pride.

 

I completely am feeling you on this right now and I have a pretty good idea of who you may be venting about. People are hard and there are so many who cruise through life seriously believing that they are all matters. Chin up friend and don't let people like that get to far under your skin and remember that people like the person you wrote about are a small percentage of the community and IMO not true hobbiests.

 

Continue believing in Karma, my friend....remember, it works both ways - the unpleasant individual will get some karma of their own in due time. That is how it works.

In the meantime, take a deep breath and focus on the truly important things. Hopefully venting here has helped you a bit. Weeks like yours are how you measure your good ones.
Seems like you are certainly due for some good!

 

I'm too impatient to wait for karma to work. And I'm half Sicilian.....and from New York. Nuff said

 

very sorry to hear about your mom, the other bozo will eventually get whats coming to him.

 

That's the thing: He was out NO money. It was a trade. I was going to ship him coral, when he got it, he was going to ship me a nice clam I wanted but couldn't afford. He was out NOTHING by the frags dying, not even the cost of shipping. I was out 200 bucks by the frags dying, PLUS several hundred dollars in coral.

When I got started in this hobby, I got started because an LFS was going out of business and they knew me personally, and gave me a bunch of pieces I never could have afforded because they knew I did rescue work with abused animals and showered love on all my creatures and would bend over backwards to take care of them. I have a VET here in town I have taken my CORAL to when things went wrong. Yea, I'm that kinda tankmom.

This thread isn't about abuse or saying 'what a horrible person this one individual is'. I don't believe he really was. In the end, I reiterate, HE DID pay me for one colony he admitted survived, which reimbursed me for MOST of my out of pocket expenses. I'm out about 200.00, he paid me 150.

The point of this thread is because I hear about this sort of thing all the time in this hobby. I see it all the time, and I have experienced it myself over and over and over. In this hobby, people get NASTY at the drop of a hat, and I truly, TRULY do not understand it. And I know its not just in this hobby, that it's everywhere, but well, tackle the small stuff first Maybe if I can make a few hundred people here think about the way they treat others, it'll spread

Amcarrig: Great to see you again, my friend I try to be a nice person. That's why what few frags I do cut generally go to people setting up new tanks here in the las vegas valley Get them started the same way I was. I don't give them my high end stuff of course, but I almost never cut that! That's what upsets me. I cut my high end stuff for him, and in a couple of cases, gave him entire colonies wholesale. Yes, I filed a claim with fedex.

Will: I try to let it slide off. As I said above, I know it's all over the world, but I can't change the entire world. I'll be content with my little corner. I wasn't out to say 'how horrible is he?!" I'm really out to say "Guys, think about how you treat people a little'. I hear these stories way too much. I sold a couple of bags of chaeto in the FS forum earlier this week (To help fund this trade, BTW) and heard a couple of horror stories from the people I sold to (Both of whom left happy feedback, BTW.) I'm just trying to get everyone to take a moment and think of other people.

Reefmonkey: Thank you very much for the kind words. Like I said, this is sorta a 'closure' to me. When I go through life, how I live, I try to learn lessons, and I've decided my lesson from this particular horror story cannot be 'never ever ever trust people in this hobby again!" as it started to be yesterday. It has to be "Watch your words and be careful how you treat others, even when you are angry." And love the Avatar, dude

Onefish: I hope you're right! I sold some stuff to fund this trade, and I'm going to meet a local reefer I've done business with many times tonight Big Bang Chalice, anyone?

Telgar: Thank you very much. I lost my mom some time ago, but we were exceptionally close, and my daughter is new, so it's renewed the pain of missing her. I wish she could see her

As I said guys, it isn't about 'how horrible he is', that's not what I'm after. REally I'd just like everyone in the hobby to take a minute and be a little nicer to one another. This stuff in our tank grows itself. Now, if we have Purple Hornets, not saying give those away free! But some yellow polyps or Dragoneyes to a new reefer never hurts (I give 'em away all the time!) And holy cow, I've got 3 colonies of purple deaths! I think this hobby is a little too money grubbing and takes everything a little too personally, is all. I wish we'd all just loosen up, and realize we're all here for the same reason, for beauty, not ugliness.

 

Well, what it all boils down to is that some people just suck. When I was younger, I used to get angry about stuff at the drop of a hat. After my dad died, I had a life changing revelation about what was and was not important in life. Getting angry wasn't important anymore. I suppose that the best that you can do is try your best to avoid sucky people.