Tell a joke :)

A wife is cheating on her husband with a man who lives down the street. One night the husband comes home from a business trip a day early. The wife freaks out and dosen't know what to do. The man decides to jump out the bedroom window when the wife has an idea. She runs to the kitchen for a glass of water and some flour. She comes back upstairs and pours the water on the man and douses him in flour and tells him to stand in the corner. The husband comes upstairs, kisses his wife and starts talking about his trip. He looks in the corner and asks, Honey, what is this? She replies, that's a new statue I bought. Lying in bed that night the husband gets up and goes to the kithen for a beer and a ham sandwhich. He walks back upstairs and over to the statue.

Here the husband says, handing the man the beer and sandwhich, Man I stood at the Wilson's place for two days and they didn't give me crap!

 

A blonde and a businessman sit next to each other on a flight. To pass the time the businessman asks the blonde if she wants to play a game and maybe win some money, the blonde agrees. The businessman explains the rules, if I ask a question and you get it wrong, you pay me $5 but if you ask a question and i get it wrong i'll pay you $50. The blonde agrees and the businessman asks the first question, "How far is the earth from the sun?" The blonde opens up her wallet and hands him five dollars. The blonde says "Ok my turn, what goes up a hill with three legs and down a hill with four?" The businessman thinks, browses his computer, but can't come up with the answer so he pays her $50. The businessman says "Ok for my question, what was the answer to your question?" The blonde opens up her wallet and hands him $5.

 

whats green with 4 legs and if it falls out of a tree on top of you, your dead?


a pool table


Steve

 

he said jokes, not what might happen at a redneck family reunion. lol

 

lmao
lmao:laughings

 

Two Aggies are out fishing. One goes to start the motor and it comes off the transom and falls to the bottom. The other jumps overboard to retrieve the motor and he is down for a long time. The other grabs his mask to see what is going on and sees his buddy fruitlessly pulling the rope over and over, and yells "it's probably flooded you dummy, shut off the choke!"

 

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, Interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists… Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!”
The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”
The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, “This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

 

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.” “What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine!” “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.” “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.” “Well, OK — but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?” “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really.” “What about that eye patch?” “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of gulls flew over. I looked up and one of them dropped poop right in my eye!” “You’re kidding!” said the bartender, “You can’t lose an eye just from some bird poop” “It was my first day with the hook!” said the pirate.

 

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
The Blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied,
“We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”