Elementary Bible School Tests

Discussion in 'The Bucket' started by dx7fd2, Feb 10, 2005.

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  1. dx7fd2

    dx7fd2 Sea Dragon

    Joined:
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    ELEMENTARY BIBLE SCHOOL TESTS

    PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW
    THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS!

    IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE
    ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE
    FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.
    THEY HAVE NOT BE RETOUCHED NOR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING
    HAS BEEN LEFT IN

    1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED
    OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

    2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE
    WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON
    IN PEARS.

    3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL
    OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

    4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY
    HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

    5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A
    JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

    6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE
    APOSTLES.

    7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE
    UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

    8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
    AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN
    COMMANDMENTS.

    9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE
    APPLE.

    10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.


    11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA
    LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

    12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS
    SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

    13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE
    LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED
    IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

    14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
    PORCUPINES.

    15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE
    MAGNA CARTA.

    16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY
    FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

    17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
    CONTRAPTION.

    18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

    19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO
    OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN
    DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

    20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED
    TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

    21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12
    DECIBELS.

    22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

    23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A
    TAXIMAN.

    24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY
    ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

    25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY