 More Puns
1. A bike can't stand alone because it is two-tyred.
2. A will is a dead giveaway, but where there's a will, there are usually lots of relatives.
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off. (This was a snap decision, which meant that he didn't get the opportunity to tell her about his cedar chest!)
5. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
6. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
7. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
8. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
9. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered. Tragically, his mate fell into a vat of varnish. He died, but he had a beautiful finish.
10. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
11. Many people break into song because they can't find the key.
12. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
13. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
14. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
15. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
16. When you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
17. Anyone who jumps off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
18. When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
19. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
20. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
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Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it! | 
