 A man with a bald head and a wooden leg
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:
Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit.
The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has
gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald
head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.
A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the
accompanying letter:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick
your wooden leg up your bum and go as a toffee apple.
_________
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it! | 
