How to give your pet a pill

[JohnO]

THE CAT


1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth.. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
partner in from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and
rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooded ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in a large towel and get partner to lay on cat with cats
head just visable from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw. Force cats mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans. Drink beer to take away the taste. Apply band-aid to partner's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave the head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth, followed by large piece of fish. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to casualty.
Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.



THE DOG

1. Wrap it in bacon.

[inwall75]

That's hilarious John.

However, I had a yellow lab that would somehow unwrap any pill, eat the food, and then spit out the pill. A square of Velveeta cheese worked for a while and then she figured out how to suck the pill out of the cheese, spit it out, and then swallow the cheese. I finally had to resort to prying open her mouth every day and throwing the pill to the back of her throat where involuntary contractions forced her to swallow. I've had dogs my whole life and this is the only one who has ever done this to me.

Now for real fun, try deworming a horse that doesn't like the taste of the paste. I had one rip off a hitching post one time and then he ran off with the post dragging behind. That was NOT fun. However, I would have to agree.....cats are the worst.

Washing a cat is fun too. YouTube - How to Wash A Cat

[mattgeezer]

top stuff john ......