Fish Jokes & Fish Humor

How 'bout some fish jokes (blondes please forgive me :)

Little Tim

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his
neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the
cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "Whatcha
doing, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking
up. "And I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a
goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's
because he's inside your cat."



A Fish Goes Into a Bank

A fish goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see
from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So
he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go
on a long vacation. Patti looks at the fish in disbelief and asks
how much he wants to borrow. The fish says $30,000. The teller
asks his name and the fish says that his name is Rainbow Jagger,
his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank
manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of
money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the
loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The
fish says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain fly
rod and reel, about an inch long; detailed and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with
the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the
manager and says, "There's a fish named Rainbow Jagger out there
who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants
to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny rod & reel. "I
mean, what the heck is this??"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick-knack,
Patti Whack. Give the fish a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."


A Blonde Goes Fishing

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the
right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After
getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in
the ice.

Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO
FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' Startled, the blonde moved further down the
ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet
another hole in the ice.

The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH
UNDER THE ICE.'' This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the
far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again
the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?''
The voice answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.''



Blonde Fish Joke

A blonde was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag.
She ran into one of her friends.

Her friend asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?"

She tells her friend that she has some fish in the bag.

The friend says, "Fish! Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess
how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."

The blonde says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many
fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."

 

Funny stuff!!! i really like the Rolling Stone one!!

 

hahahaaha that is some funny stuff

 

Two fish are happily swimming along when all of the sudden (BAM)
They hit a brick wall!



The one looks at the other and says:thinking2
DAM !

 

that's good stuff there

 

Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
They have their own scales.

What's the best way to catch a fish?
Have someone throw it at you.

If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
Loch Jaws.


Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses.
We don't have any, replied the first blonde.

Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses. said the Game Warden.

But officer, replied the second blonde, we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river.

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. Well, I know of no law against it, said the Game Warden, take all the debris you want. And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. What a dumb Fish Cop, the second blonde said to the other two, doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!

 

Doesnt matter who you are,that's funny stuff!!! keep em coming!!

 

why do fish swim in saltwater? because pepper makes them sneeze!!