Australian Etiquette

[JohnO]

IN GENERAL


1.. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
2.. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
3.. It's tacky to take an Esky to church.
4.. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5.. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your
Ute and trailer to the funeral.


DINING OUT


1.. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
2.. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.


ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME


1.. A centre piece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
2.. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.


PERSONAL HYGIENE


1.. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private,
using one's OWN Ute keys.
2.. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
3.. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
4.. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of
finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.


DATING


1.. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.
2.. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out
with you ever since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago."
3.. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say
11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the
man's responsibility to get her to school on time.


THEATRE ETIQUETTE


1.. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie
ends.
2.. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.


WEDDINGS


1.. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2.. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your
popularity. (Excessive use of the tongue is also considered out of place)
3.. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a
clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
4.. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.


DRIVING ETIQUETTE


1.. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun is loaded
and the roo is in your rifle sight.
2.. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't
always have the right of way.
3.. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4.. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

[cuttingras]

this could pertain to a few southern rednecks I know

[mattgeezer]

lmao john too bloody true!!!!

[wastemanagement]

Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oie Oie Oie

[baugherb]

long live crocodile dundee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[amcarrig]

I didn't understand alot of the words in that joke

[JohnO]

Originally Posted by amcarrig

I didn't understand alot of the words in that joke

Which ones? I'm sure mattgeezer would be only too happy to explain.

John

[amcarrig]

stubby, paddocks, Esky, Ute...shall I go on?

[JohnO]

Originally Posted by amcarrig

stubby, paddocks, Esky, Ute...shall I go on?

No, please don't Last time you 'chucked a wobbly' we all suffered

A stubby is a small bottle of beer, however a 'Darwin" stubby is a very large bottle of beer. Stubbies are also awful looking mens shorts with an elasticated waist ( like mattgeezer wears )

You don't know what a paddock is ?? Ask Roger

An Esky is an ice box that mainly holds ( you guessed it ) Stubbys

Ute is an aberation of the word utility, it's a car with only the passenger cab and a cargo area behind. You would call it a small truck or maybe an SUV

Therein endith the lesson

John

[amcarrig]

OK, now define "chucked a wobbly"

And since when do Aussies drink small bottles of beer? I've seen the Foster's can....it's hardly small

Oh, and Roger is broken so I'm not going to ask him anything so tell me what a paddock is already