 Aussiebloke Instruction Manual.
AUSSIEBLOKE INSTRUCTION MANUAL.
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR decision to choose an AussieBloke. Your investment should give you a lifetime of pleasure and trouble-free operation.
Please read these instructions carefully before use.
WARNINGS
* Never overfill your AussieBloke. Overfilling can affect both the appearance and speed of your AussieBloke and may lessen its operating life.
* Do not attempt to seal the ventilation openings on your AussieBloke. The
regular emission of toxic odours is an important safety feature built into your AussieBloke. It is not considered a malfunction under your warranty.
* For optimum operation, you should give your AussieBloke a regular and
thorough servicing.
GETTING STARTED
* Try to keep your AussieBloke upright while getting him into the house. Use
no hooks, as he may initially be commitment phobic. Place on a cushioned
surface before attempting to turn on. Stand well back.
* Contents may have settled during transportation. Actual size may vary.
OLDER MODELS
* Do not attempt to jump-start older models. Firmly grasp working parts and
first check pressure is adequate. Allow to warm up slowly. If AussieBloke
remains stalled, you may need to change your settings. For a start, you may
be in the wrong gear. Consider changing into something pink and frilly.
INITIAL USE
* Your AussieBloke has a durable outer casing but it is highly sensitive to knocks. Even gentle knocking can seriously distort the settings on the ego
panel. To reset, approach the ego and stroke firmly. Compliment your
AussieBloke on the attractiveness of his durable outer casing. Proffer a jar
of olives, the lid of which he may care to prise open with a manly laugh.
Sigh admiringly when this is done. Next, repeat the steps listed in "Getting
Started". In most cases, you'll find your AussieBloke will now virtually
turn himself on.
ONGOING USE
* Do not leave your AussieBloke turned on in a public place, especially when
you intend to leave him unattended. Malfunction in these circumstances is
not covered by your guarantee.
* Your AussieBloke will perform best if given one task at a time. THIS PRODUCT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR MULTI-TASKING.
* Product may contain nuts. Choose carefully as the returns counter at
AussieBloke Incorporated often features lengthy queues.
MAINTENANCE
* To clean your AussieBloke, immerse daily in warm water and remove any
scuff marks with a soft cloth.
* Tougher stains, especially those consequent to his employment in the
workforce, may be rubbed away using a solution of alcohol, applied nightly,
usually just after 6 o'clock.
* Act cautiously whenever detaching your AussieBloke from the household
power. Remember if not given occasional access to at least a feeling of
power, your AussieBloke may become run-down and difficult to handle.
WAIVERS AND EXCLUSIONS
* Your AussieBloke is not a reliable source of fashion advice. AussieBloke
Incorporated, its agents or representatives are not responsible for any
losses or humiliations consequent to your reliance on fashion advice given
by your AussieBloke. WARNING: Your AussieBloke cannot spot any difference
whatsoever between the first dress you tried on and the fourth one, despite
the way he enthusiastically backs up your view that "the fourth one is by
far the best".
* Your AussieBloke cannot be expected to stop and ask for directions when
driving. Customers should remember that the Earth is round, so you will
arrive at your destination eventually.
HE DOES NOT NEED YOUR ADVICE ON HIS DRIVING METHODS.
Your AussieBloke comes with perfect eyesight but may find it difficult to locate small items around the house, such as his wallet and keys. This is not considered a fault under your warranty. According to information supplied by your AussieBloke, he suspects that you are deliberating hiding his stuff every morning.
A FINAL WORD
* Use your AussieBloke properly and only for what it is intended and you
will enjoy years of rugged, safe and dependable service - service only
available from the happy folks here at AussieBloke. Enjoy!
_________
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it! | 
